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TACKY
TOASTS
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After conducting a very religious wedding ceremony for a young
couple, at the reception, the best man offered this toast:
May all your ups and downs be in the bed.
No one laughed.
Toasts0112-07
I was a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding several years ago.
After a formal church wedding of over 200 guests, the reception was held on her
family's farm in the massive barn (no animals were kept there at any time, of
course), which was equipped with not only electricity and a restroom, but a
"kegerator", or refrigerator with a beer tap installed.
Needless to say, the beer flowed indiscriminately that evening.
About 4 hours into what was planned as a "stay till you
wanna leave" reception, the very drunk Maid of Honor was called up to give
her toast. She had introduced the couple to each other, and her prepared
speech opened with an anecdote about how the bride and groom met. Pretty
standard. Except that in front of God, and the couple's parents and
grandparents, MOH announced that they were introduced to each other
because "Kelly* asked me to find her a
booty call. She never expected anything to come out of it except for some easy
sex." There was cringing.
Toasts0106-07
The strangest wedding speech we ever heard was at my husband's
first cousin's son's wedding. The bride got up and talked about how she had
dreamed of this day since she met her future husband in the 5th grade! She went
on about all the things she did to get him and keep him all the years before the
wedding. This girl came out as the world champion stalker of all time.
We have two daughters who reported seeing this girl,
"Jennie" in the mall with her future husband, "Dave", and
how Jennie would glare daggers at any girl who looked at Dave. My daughters knew
him since they were babies, but did not even dare to say hi to him!
One of my daughter's accompanied me to a graveside service for
Dave's grandfather, and sure enough, Jennie glared at my daughter so much, she
tried to stand behind me. Needless to say, we politely refused to go to a
gathering at Dave's brother's home after the service, knowing Jennie would be
there.
An acquaintance of my husband's from work was at the wedding,
and later met him--this guy said he had never heard such a creepy wedding speech
from a bride, he said it gave him the shivers--I guess we were not the only ones
to think she sounded like a stalker!
Toasts0514-07
At my cousin Jimmy's wedding reception the maid of honor
started out her toast complimenting Jimmy on what a good find he had in his
new bride, Elizabeth. Unfortunately, she ended the toast with these
words, "You better not cheat on Elizabeth or I'll kill you."
The sad part about it is that she was not far off on her perception of Jimmy's
lack of character. The next day (literally) he was arrested for mail
fraud and sentenced to a year in prison.
Toasts0620-07
Page Last Updated October 11, 2008
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